Most people are afraid of being alone, even if they don't admit it, to anyone (including themselves sometimes). We humans are social creatures, whether the majority of us want to admit it or not. Some of us claim to be introverts, wanting to be separate from others in times of stress, not wanting to interact with people if we don't have to at times. Some of us claim to be anti-social, not wanting to have anything to do with other people. But, most of these people still have to have some dealing with others, whether it be to socialize, or even to antagonize. We strive to be noticed by others, and we cannot live without that contact that sometimes we attempt to refuse.

Those who are truly better off without other people are few and far between. To be honest, I've only met a single person who could live without any human contact, and he was a man who had managed to completely shut off whatever force is inside of us that creates and maintains our emotions. He had been like me, unable to shut out the feelings of those around him who pressed in on him if he ever was slightly less watchful than usual. And so he had built his shields up higher and higher, creating mental walls around his sense of being that worked to keep out emotions from others, the emotions that weren't his own. He was successful, greatly so, but at the same time, he had killed off his own emotions as well, not just walling off of feelings of others, but the feelings that came from inside of himself as well. And he was never able to take down those walls.

I wouldn't say that he would be better off without human contact. I don't think it would have made much of a difference either way, as he just did not care. But still, he is the only person I have ever met who could survive without any human contact, real or imagined. I wish I could say the same of myself, as it would make my life a lot easier if I never had to deal with people, and could live my life without the barriers that otherwise I must keep up constantly, for fear of losing myself to the swirl of emotions around me.

But, I am not like him. I still feel, and I still care. Were I to back away from humankind forever, I would go crazy within the week, simply because I would never be able to forget about the many who would invariably go without the Healing that I could provide them, and who may or may not die because of that lack. I would be at peace because I would not be able to feel the press of the people around me, feel each and every strong moment of the lives of those close to me, as well as their myriad hurts, both large and small. But I would also not be at peace, because I would know that at least some of the people that I might have Healed in the span of time, had I not been forsaking humanity all together, would have been ones who could not find someone else to do the same job. And the need to Heal, to use the talent that has been at least somewhat a part of me since I was young, is a drive that can easily destroy me. The only way I can think of to get rid of it is to do the same as that one man, and destroy every last shred of feeling in my heart first.

...But still, sometimes it's good to get away from people. Not for a long period of time, but just hours at a time. Like professed introverts, I am "recharging," getting away from the people who cause me such stress, but who I cannot live without. Being away from them is one of the best parts of my life, the time when I can live without constant shields, and constant watchfulness. And I must say, I enjoy it.