A young man steps up to the front of the empty stage and clears his throat.

"This story is about [insert some name that I don't want to think of at the moment here]. You'd think that since I'm the one telling the story it would be about me...or at least have something to do with me...but nooo, it's about her. I don't even know why I'm here. So ignore me. I'm just the narrator, and I don't matter."

The narrator boy sits down on the stage, with his legs hanging over the edge, and pulls out a thick stack of papers held together with a binder clip. He pulls the binder clip off of the papers and throw it to the side...where it clatters on the stage and is almost immediately picked up by a strange person (gender unknown) in black ninja-like clothing. Then he looks over the top page quickly, frowns, and starts to read.

"The story starts when [name here] was just four years old. She was a smart little girl, a child prodigy, and everyone loved her..."

The narrator boy trails off...a look of disgust on his face. Frowning again, he mutters something almost inaudible.

"God, this is complete and utter crap. Not only is she important enough to get her own story...but she's fucking perfect."

The same stage ninja from before runs out on stage and hits narrator boy on the back of the head. The he (she? it?) leans forward and whispers something in his ear. A look of shock and fright spreads across narrator boy's face.

"All right, all right, I'll do it right!"

Grumbling, he turns his attention back to the papers and continues where he left off.

~one long story that I don't care to write at the moment, even though it has fun commentary through the whole thing, later~

"...and no one has seen her since then. It is said that she was probably an angel in disguise, sent down to live among us and give us some light and beauty in otherwise dull lives, and that when she left she was being called back to heaven, so that God could once again have her to light up His existence. Of course, no one knows for sure where she went, only that this city became a poorer place when she left."

"Gag me..."

For about the hundredth time, the stage ninja whips one of his/her near infinite supply of kunai at narrator boy's head. As with each and every time this has already happened, narrator boy somehow manages to lean to the side just before the sharp, pointy metal sinks into his head. The stage ninja growls in almost silent frustration, and immediately gets thwapped over the head by his/her superior (a stage samurai) for making noise during the performance.

Meanwhile, narrator boy goes back to his reading, finally noticing that he is on the last sheet of paper.

"Because of this, her birthday has been declared a town-wide holiday. Parties are thrown in her honor, in hopes that she might decide to return to us to enjoy the good time. All of the local businesses offer discounts in honor of her life. And here, at the theater, this reading of her life is performed every year. But now this year's reading is over, and I thank you all for helping us all celebrate yet another wonderful Clara Day."

The applause begins, and quickly spreads around the theater, at which point narrator boy finally realizes that he has reached the end of the manuscript, and that he is finally off the hook. The stage ninja and samurai both utter a sigh of relief, glad that the night went as smoothly as it did, and that no one decided that the boy who was chosen to narrate was being too rude. But they both regret their premature relief as they see the look that is spreading across narrator boy's face.

"Clara Day... As in Clara [last name here]?"

~Pay no attention to the black-clad ninja standing over by the stage exit. It is a hastily scribbled sign reading, "Yes, she was the star of our city. Just finish up the reading and get off the stage." There certainly isn't a ninja holding that sign. Please carry on with what you were doing.~

"You mean all of this crap that I just read was all some over-romanticized fantasy of what you think that bitch's life was like?"

The sign flips over. Yes.

The audience, having finished clapping, starts to get up from their seats. This causes narrator boy to jump to his feet and start shouting angrily at the crowd.

"Just wait a fucking minute! You're not going anywhere until I say you can leave!"

He sits back down on the stage and starts talking again, this time more slowly, though still with an intensity that waned everyone, even the stage ninja and samurai, that they didn't want to go against him.

"None of you actually knew her."

The audience nods in agreement, even though the statement did not contain even a hint of questioning tone.

"I did. I knew her very well, and I know that this piece of shit is almost completely full of lies. So, you know what? I'm going to do you all a special favor, for dragging me into this position even though I could care less...just because I vaguely resemble her. I'm going to tell you all what really happened during that one week period of her senior year before she disappeared. And you're all going to sit there nicely and listen to me, aren't you?"